The Assistant
by Morbid Juvenile
Summary: A lovely little romantic comedy. Lucius's work load has gotten so great that he has to hire a secretary. Little does he know, trouble brews when she arrives.PG13 right now, rating my raise in later chapter.
1. Part I Little Miss Perfect

**The Assistant**

By Morbid Delinquent 

**Part I / Little Miss Perfect**

            Lucius knew it was inevitable. He knew he could no longer avoid the situation. His work load had esculated to such an amount he had trouble keeping up. Time and time again, he would ask for a secretary, only to have the Ministry deny him such help. Saying 'If you want a secretary, hire her yourself and pay her with your _own money. Lord knows you have enough'. Life was simply not fair. Merlin, Weasley had a secretary on the Ministry pay roll. Life was simply not fair. Lucius threw down his quill in anguish. He could simply not work in these conditions. He was, despite Narcissa protests, going to hire a secretary..._

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"Lucius, you simply can't do this! You don't _need_ a secretary!" Narcissa said shrilly.

"I do to and you know it. Narcissa, nothing is going to happen. What do you think I'm going to do leave you for the secretary?" Lucius replied.

"Augustus Alconbury did to Marianna! She couldn't believe either, until she caught him with Lucinda, the secretary, bent over his desk shagging the living daylights out of each other!" Narcissa sounded hysterical.

"Oh come now, I'm not in my prime anymore. And furthermore, I wonder how Augustus shagged the brains out of his secretary when he's _much older than I am." Lucius replied._

"But _Lucius_..." Narcissa whined. Lucius rolled his eyes and open the door top his study.

"Narcissa, my workload is _way_ too heavy for just myself to be working on. I need an assistant. No ifs, ands, or buts. I'm hiring an assistant." Lucius concluded, shutting the door behind himself.

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"Thank you, I'll owl you." Lucius sighed. 

"Alright, good day Mr.Malfoy." the woman nodded once and left.

Lucius began to bang his head on his desk. "This was harder than it looks."

"What was wrong with her? I rather liked her." Narcissa sipped her tea.

"You only liked her because she was old, ugly, and completely not worth my time." Lucius replied.

"That's why I liked her." Narcissa smirked evilly.

"Argh!" Lucius continued to bang his head on his desk.

"Master Lucius, there's a Kaiya Wiltons here to see you." Anton, the Malfoy butler, announced.

"Kaiya Wiltons? Send her in, this can't get any... Oh Merlin's beard..." Lucius breathed.

            Ms.Wiltons was a petite, lithe thing. With long shiny jet-black hair, flawless pale skin, and piercing ice-blue eyes. She smiled slightly and sat down in the chair opposite to Lucius's. She tapped her fingers on her briefcase, waiting. Narcissa stood behind the chair Kaiya was seated on, her eyes blazing telling Lucius if he hired this woman she'd deny him for the rest of his natural life. Lucius stared back at his wife, almost pleadingly. Kaiya coughed slightly.

"So far this is the easiest interview I've gone to." Kaiya said, her eyes roaming around the study.

"Credentals, Ms.Wiltons. It is Miss, isn't it?" Lucius asked.

"Yes." she replied. Narcissa glared at Kaiya. She looked confused. "What? Do I have to run out and get married to make your wife feel secure?"

"YES!" Narcissa said indignantly.

Kaiya looked taken aback. "Well you'll be hapy to know that I'm in a wonderful relationship, and besides," Kaiya placed her hands together. "older men tend to break easier."

Narcissa snorted a laugh. "Well, I approve of her." she smiled, and left the room.

"I must say you have impeccable credentals _and_ my wife approves of you. I must say you got the job." Lucius replied.

"Woopie!!" Kaiya jumped up, loosing all professional manner. Lucius looked at her strangely. "Oh thank you, Mr.Malfoy! You don't know how hard it is to get a job in this day and age when you're a secretary. Wives always have their doubts about us. But thank you for the opportunity. When do I start?"

"Please be out here by eight a.m., tomorrow." Lucius replied, picking up his quill to retract his ad from the _Daily Prophet._

"Alright, thank you again, Mr.Malfoy." Kaiya smiled and she left the study.  

"Whew," Lucius sighed. "that could've gone better."

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            Lucius began to pace around his study. Kaiya was already late, one hour to be exact. Growing flustered with each step, he stopped, opened his liquor cabinet and poured himself some Ice Brandy. Suddenly he heard a noise from the fire place and a very dirty Kaiya fell out, smacking her bottom with her briefcase. Apparently, it had been on fire.

"You're late." Lucius snapped.

"I got her as fast as I could. Do you know it's impossible to apparate onto the grounds here. God, I had to walk all the way back to that inky-dinky town and floo here." Kaiya huffed.

"You could have asked me for an apparation permit to enter the grounds." Lucius replied, finishing off his drink.

"Well I'll remind myself to ask you before I leave today. It's a little early for alcohol, don't you think." Kaiya looked at the empty brandy glass.

"That's none of your concern. Your concern," Lucius handed Kaiya a stack of Ministry files. "are these files. I need you go sort though them."

Kaiya stared at the stack of files, they reached over her head and and her arms were buckling under the weight. "Where do you want me to work on sorting these?"

"Over there by the chaise." Lucius sat down at his desk. Kaiya stood there looking across the room. "Well?"

"The chaise is all the way across the room! I can't carry these all the way across the room." Kaiya half whined.

Lucius rolled his eyes. He took half the stack and walked across the room and set them by the chaise. "I'm sure you can carry the rest over."

"Yes sir." Kaiya replied, sounding very childish. Lucius strode past her and as his back was to her, she stuck her tongue out at him.

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            It'd been a few weeks after Kaiya had started working for Lucius. Narcissa kept a watchful on on Kaiya, but she was all around pleased with her behaviour she'd invited her to the annual Halloween party. Kaiya had also had the pleasure of meeting their seventeen year old son, Draco. Oh what a complicated meeting that had been...

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            The study door opened suddenly and a tall, lithe silver-blonde boy slammed the door behind himself. Breathing a sigh of relief, Draco opened his eyes to find a strange woman in his father's office.

"How are you?" Draco asked Kaiya.

"Your father's secretary." Kaiya replied, not looking up from her work.

"Oh." Draco replied. The study door opened revealing a very flushed Italian boy. 

"Draco, I've been looking all over for you." the boy grinned ferally.

Kaiya raised an eyebrow, and looked at the boy. Draco blushed slightly. "Oh, you found me Blaise."

"You're damn right I did." Blaise smirked seductively at Draco, walking closer. "You're really hard to find, you know that."

"Really, I don't think I'm that hard to find." Draco laughed nervously. "Oh, Blaise did I introduce you to my father's secretary... er... um..."

"Kaiya Wiltons." Kaiya smiled, offering her hand to Blaise.

"Bonjour la madame." Blaise kissed her proffered hand. Kaiya giggled. Draco rolled his eyes.

"What a little gentleman. You're parents must be so proud." Kaiya smiled.

"Oh, I don't have parents. They died, my father before I was born and my mother as she was giving me life." Blaise adapted a very sorrow look on his face. "I live with my aunt and uncle. They are such horrid people. When I was young they ... they ... they locked me in a closet!" Blaise busrt into loud, dramatic sobs.

Kaiya raised an eyebrow. "Really, 'cause that story sounds somewhat like Harry Potter's life story." Kaiya smirked.

Blaise reduced himself to sniffles. "What?"

"Like Harry Potter's life story." Kaiya repeated.

"Well I never heard anything so insulting!!" Blaise pouted.

"Oh give it up, Blaise. She's on to you. You can't get her with your fake sob story." Draco drawled.

"Oh, you're absolutely no fun, Drake." Blaise pouted further. "You're going to be just like your father. Work, work, work, and more work."

"Actually, I do most of the work." Kaiya put in.

"I don't even know why I'm with you." Blaise said, suddenly acting very cold to Draco.

"I don't know why I even accepted to go out with you in the first place." Draco replied, voice like an icy blast of wind.

"Boys, boys, boys!" Kaiya shouted. "Now Draco, I'm know that Blaise might be a little energetic and outspoken sometimes, but deep down inside he's probably a little boy who wants to be held and loved dearly. He only acts the way he does, because he wants your attention. And Blaise, if you didn't always want Draco attention maybe he'd be a little more caring towards your needs.  Now does that solve anything?"

            Draco and Blaise looked at each other. They both smiled and embraced each other tightly. Which lead to light kissing and somewhat heavy snogging. Lucius had entered the room only to cough loudly, and Kaiya shooed them out of the room.

"How long have you known about them?" Lucius asked, raising one eyebrow.

"I just found out about them twenty minutes ago and I've already fixed their problems. God, Im so lonely." Kaiya sighed as she continued to go through file after file.

"Lonely? I thought you were in a relationship." Lucius looked slightly confused.

"Nope, he left me for some blonde, big-breasted, blue eyed floozy." Kaiya replied. "No offence to your wife."

"None taken."

"Oh and Narcissa wanted me to inform you that the Halloween party is a costume ball. She wanted to make sure you could find a decent costumes."

"And she waits four days before to tell me. What a wonderful wife you have."

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Well I hope you all enjoy chapter one. Chapter two coming up soon. over and out!

**~MD**


	2. Part II Oh My Bloody God

**The Assistant**

By Morbid Delinquent

**Part II / Oh My Bloody God**

**            October the thirty-first rolled around. Kaiya had found a costume in time for the ball. Which, Narcissa had promised, was going to be an absolutely lovely affair. Lucius work load had slowly began to dwindle down after working almost non-stop for eight weeks. As Kaiya filed the last paper, she sighed and laid back on the chaise. She smiled.**

"That wasn't as hard as I thought it would be." Kaiya laughed. "I'm finished Mr.Malfoy!"

Lucius looked up from his work. "Good. Now you can start on these." Lucius bent down and picked up another stack of files.

Kaiya groaned, and walked over to Lucius desk and dent down to pick up the files. "You don't have to start on them now. I suspect you want to go home and get ready for the Halloween ball Narci is throwing."

"Well actually," Kaiya blushed slightly. "I was just going to get dressed here."

Lucius raised an eyebrow. "And _where_ exactly were you going to change?"

"I was going to change right here, until you pulled out that stack of files." Kaiya smirked. "But I decided against it."

"You're a wonderful little trollop, aren't you." Lucius smirked.

"Well, atleast I'm not the one wearing a gridle." Kaiya smiled as she picked up the files and walked back over to the chaise.

"It's not a gridle, it's a back brace." Lucius replied angrily. "I pulled something."

"Right, and I wear a wonderbra because I sprained my breasts." Kaiya muttered.

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"Yes... well that's _facsinating_. Oh, I think I hear Narcissa calling me. Good-bye!" Kaiya smiled and backed away quickly.

            Once lost in a sea of people, Kaiya breathed a sigh of relief. _My God, that man is persistant_, she thought. Not To mention he looked about eighteen years her senior. He also reminded her of the man Lucinda had an affair with. She never understood how her friend could have shagged a fifty-three year old man. The mental image alone was disturbing enough. But no, Lucinda had to go into explicit detail how everything went. It was enough to put Kaiya of sex for a good three months.

"Oh there you are, I was just telling Walden all about you." Lucius said, the man named Walden gave Kaiya a seductive smirk. Kaiya gulped.

"Hello, I'm Kaiya Wiltons." Kaiya proffered her hadn for him to shake.

Walden kissed it. "Nice to finally put a name with a face." 

"Nice to meet you as well, Walden." Kaiya gave him a half grimace, half smile.

"Oh there you are, my pet." a man called. Kaiya's eyes widened and she ducked behind Lucius.

"I see you met Augustus Alconbury." Lucius whispered to Kaiya.

"Augustus Alconbury..." Kaiya repeated, and then gasped. "He's the one Lucinda was having an affair with. _Oh my bloody GOD_!!"

"You know Lucinda?" Lucius asked, Kaiya nodded.

"She used to be my roommate until she was put up in this really posh penthouse by an Auggie Alconbury. I thought he was some swank trust-fund wanker." Kaiya replied, slowly edging behind Lucius. "Until I meet him. He was nineteen years her senior. Personally I found it quite _disgusting_."

"I think he's got a little thing for you." Lucius sniggered.

"Really, I swear, that man can smell a secretary a mile away." Kaiya replied, know fully behind Lucius.

"Well now, don't hide my pet. I only want to dance with you." Augustus slurred, clearly drunk.

"Yes, Kaiya, you wouldn't want to make a _scene_, now would you?" Lucius smirked, pushing Kaiya in front of himself.

"Wonderful! Let's go!" Augustus tugged Kaiya onto the dance floor.

"I'm going to _kill_ you!" Kaiya mouthed as she was pulled away from Lucius

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"HOW DARE YOU!! UNHAND ME YOU PERVERTED GERIATRIC!!" Kaiya screamed.

"Oh come now, I know what your generation likes. A little petting isn't abnormal." Augustus whispered.

"IF YOU HAVE THE CONSENT OF THE OTHER PERSON!! _SEXUAL HARRASSMENT!! **SEXUAL HARRASSMENT!!**_" Kaiya yelled at the top of her voice.

"Please calm down, you're causing a scene." Augustus put a finger to her lips.

"I will most certainly not _calm down_!" Kaiya snapped. "I really don't give a _flying fuck_ if I'm causing a scene!"

"Please, you're just making a mountain out of a mole hill." Augustus replied.

"YOU STUCK YOUR HAND DOWN THE FRONT OF MY DRESS!!" Kaiya shrieked. "YOU TRIED TO FONDLE ME!! YOU ARE A SICK-MINDED GERIATRIC WHO SHOULD SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP!! OR ATLEAST FIND A DOCTOR TO TELL YOU YOU DON'T NEED _VIAGRA!!!"_

"What's viagra?" Augustus asked.

"ARRGH!!" Kaiya groaned. "Narcissa, Lucius thank you for the semi-wonderful experience of inviting me to this _affair_. I bid you both good night." with that, Kaiya stormed out of the ballroom.

"What a little trollop, eh Lucius." Augustus huffed.

"Yeah..." Lucius sighed. "A little trollop."

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"Oh Luc, quit worrying." Narcissa reassurred her husband. "Maybe she's having a lie in."

"She would have owled by now." Lucius replied, pacing the study. "She's never late."

"Well, you can't on time every single day." Narcissa concurred. "I mean, she had to have been late before."

"Like I said before Narci," Lucius stared at the fireplace. "She's _never late."_

            Suddenly the study door banged opened. Kaiya strode in looking absolutely furious. Her travelling cloak billowed out behind her lithe frame. She ripped off the cloak and threw it down on the chaise. Then she flopped down on the chaise, kicking and screaming like a young toddler throwing a temper tantrum.

"Is that all I am?" Kaiya asked, more to herself then the other occupants of the room. "A piece of meat for men to play with."

"Oh God, she's having an idenity crisis." Narcissa hopped up at once. "Would you please leave us alone for awhile , Luc."

"But Narci... there's much work to be--" Narcissa glared at her husband. "Alright, I'll be back later on."

            Narcissa walked over to Kaiya. Kaiya was sobbing violently into the chaise pillow. Narcissa sat down on a nearby poof, her hand on her chin, clearly in deep thought.

"Men used to think the same thing about me." Narcissa said suddenly.

Kaiya stoppe sobbing, reduced to sniffles. "Really?"

"Kaiya, I was much like you when I was your age." Narcissa replied. "Men always grabbing at my dresses. Smacking my bum, trying to fondle my breasts. It's the price of being devastatingly beautiful."

"You think I'm _devastatingly beautiful_?"

"Who wouldn't?" Narcissa smiled. "Men may think you are a piece of meat, but you just have to be strong and confident to push them away."

"Or?"

"_Or marry a very respected man who sets fear into the hearts all the people below him and his family."_

"I doubt that every happening."

"Oh come now, what are you twenty, twenty-five?"

"Actually, you're never going to believe me, but I'm thirty-four." 

Narcissa mouth dropped open. "You're having me on!"

Kaiya reached down for her purse, and pulled out her apparation liscense. "Look at my birth date."

"March twenty-fourth, nineteen-sixty-nine. Two-thousand-three minus nineteen-sixty-nine...." Narcissa calculated the numbers in her head. "My GOD you _are _thirty-four!"

"I told you so." Kaiya laughed

"Are going to able to carry on today or do you need some time off?"

"I can work today." Kaiya smiled. "Thanks for everything."

"Oh, it's nothing at all. I'll go and fetch Lucius."

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"Lucius, I just think that it would be more benifical to the Ministry. Fire the little wench." Augustus declared.

"I can't." Lucius replied, sending Augustus a icy look.

"And why not? She's a filthy little wench who deserves nothing but to be sacked. Besides, she's Ministry staff." Augustus looked smug. "As the head of your corporation, I think that gives me the right to fire and hire who I want."

"Actually," Lucius smirked. "she's not Ministry staff. She's on the Malfoy payroll, giving you no right to fire her."

"You hired her as your own staff member?" 

"Yes, so, you have no right to fire her." Lucius turned to leave. "Good day you filthy perverse geriatric."

"What was that, Malfoy?!" Augustus demanded. 

"You're a filthy perverse geriatric," Lucius paused. "and you're _fired."_

Lucius smirked as he walked out of the office, feeling quite fulfilled with himself.

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Whew! What a chapter, next one's much more exciting than this one (hopefully). But keep reviewing, more to come!

~**MD**


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